Partying Safety tips For Trinidad and Tobago Carnival Season

So we love to party or lime, drink and have fun! here is some DO'S and DON'TS for ensuring our LIME does not turn-out SOUR...

DO’S AND DON’TS OF PARTYING OR LIMING:

DO use common sense, and enjoy yourself, it's better to be safe than sorry...

TRANSPORTATION:

Public transportation is handled by private taxis, which run along fixed routes, like buses. These taxis can be recognized by the ‘H’ prefix on the licence plates, (i.e. HAR 1234)

The DON’Ts are self-evident:

DON’T flash large sums of cash.

DON’T wear lots of expensive jewelry.

DON’T walk in dark areas alone. Use the lit walkways.

DON’T be led into any strange situation by any sweet-talking tout.

DON’T eat/drink anything you’re not accustomed to.

DRIVING SAFETY TIPS:

WHEN DRIVING TO PARTIES AND OTHER ACTIVITIES YOU SHOULD:

* Use paid car parks whenever possible.
* Ensure that your vehicles are properly secured and parked safely.
* Not overcrowd vehicles.
* Not drink and drive.
* Lock car doors when vehicles are in motion.
* Notify the police whenever you observe any strange activity around vehicles.
* Obey traffic signs.
* Not leave vehicles unattended with keys in the ignition.
* Not leave vehicle unattended with engine running.
* Not leave valuable items exposed in vehicle.
* Be cautious of persons loitering near traffic lights.
* Have your keys in hand when approaching vehicle.
* Be vigilant at all times when returning home, especially at night and if you are travelling alone.

REMEMBER IT IS AN OFFENCE TO:

* Go through a red light even at nights.
* Travel in open trays of pick up vans and trucks.
* Jaywalk.
* Drive under the influence of alcohol.

WHEN ATTENDING PARTIES AND OTHER ACTIVITIES YOU ARE REMINDED THAT YOU SHOULD:

* Wear minimal jewelry.
* Travel in groups to and from activities.
* Not carry around or display large amounts of money.
* Not accept drinks from strangers or leave drinks unattended.
* Pre-arrange transport arrangements and DESIGNATE an ALCOHOL-FREE driver.

WHEN LEAVING YOUR HOUSEHOLDS YOU SHOULD:

* Secure all ladders and other implements in a locked room.* Not leave lights on during the day.
* Not leave keys in mailboxes or under mats.
* Notify the police if you are going to be away for long periods.
* Have a friend or relative check the household to remove newspapers, milk and other deliveries.
* Ensure that property is illuminated at night.

There’s a nicer way to say no

Neil Sedaka was wrong! Breaking up is no longer hard to do. With a click of the mouse, we can say no and move on to the next date — and open ourselves up to the possibility of a better relationship. “The Internet, text messaging, email and BlackBerry (allow) you to readily say NO to someone without having to endure face-to-face or voice-to-voice interaction,” says Susan Newman, Ph.D., a social psychologist and the author of The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It — and Mean It and Stop People-Pleasing Forever. “In a way, this is the easy way out, or an easier way out of a relationship that you don’t want to pursue,” says Newman. “As one young man told me, ‘If she doesn’t return my email in a reasonable amount of time or keeps sending excuses via Twitter or text message, I know to forget her.’”

Many of us view the word no as a negative — a perception that has been ingrained in us from childhood. We hate confrontations, and we don’t want to hurt or offend anyone. The worry is that someone won’t like us or will think of us as uncaring. Newman says it’s better to have closure so both parties can move on. More and more people are breaking up electronically. It’s quick. It’s easy. It avoids direct confrontation and the exchange of feelings and emotions. But it’s not always a good thing. “People are becoming less and less equipped to handle direct contact with one another — via telephone or face to face — beginning a relationship or ending one,” says April Masini, author of Think and Date Like a Man. “For all of their benefits, text messaging and emailing are damaging our ability to relate to one another as human beings.”

Nevertheless, when a relationship is new, it might be best to let people down easy via email. Erika Moore of RomanceLanguage.org agrees: “Writing allows you to thoughtfully consider your words and to be kind and tactful about saying no,” she says. “Also, it avoids embarrassment and humiliation. The recipient doesn’t have to put on a brave face or think of something face-saving to say.”

Moore suggests crafting language that you feel good about, and then saving it for future use, should you need it. She likes some version of the following: “Thanks so much; I’m flattered, but my sense is that we’re not a match. I wish you only the best.”

Further, Moore says, “I don’t recommend going into a whole song and dance about why you aren’t a match, which typically results in a time-consuming and potentially hurtful back-and-forth.” Whenever she has done this for herself, it has worked out. “Either I didn’t hear back from the person — leaving me to intuit that either it wasn’t that big of a deal or he dealt with the disappointment privately — or I got a gracious email back, thanking me for my candor.” “Think through what you text, IM or email,” Newman adds. “Be sure it says what you want. In longer relationships, the Internet is not necessarily the quick fix or the way to go. There’s always room for misinterpretation.”

Dr. Joseph Cilona, a psychologist in New York, offers these rules for a successful breakup:

Don’t delay. If you’re certain there is no spark or attraction, don’t agree to additional dates. Thank the person while you are still on the date and end it there.

Don’t drag it out. Do not initiate communication with someone you don’t want to see or talk with just to say thank you for a date. Better to end correspondence as soon as possible if you’re not interested in pursuing a relationship.

Be reasonable. If you have had a lot of in-person contact with someone, it’s a good rule to end things in person. If you’ve only been on a few dates and most of your contact has been through technology, it’s more acceptable to end things this way, and probably more comfortable for both of you. I like the “one breakup, one follow-up” rule for correspondence via technology. If the person continues to try to communicate after that, and you’ve made it clear that you don’t have interest, it’s more appropriate to just stop responding.

Be honest. Avoid saying things you don’t mean (like “I enjoyed meeting you” or “I had a nice time” or “You seem like a great person”) if you don’t really feel that way. Many people can sense insincerity. Remain honest and keep it simple.

Be realistic. No one likes being rejected. Don’t expect a positive reaction or be surprised by a negative or unseemly one. You really don’t know the person, and you may not want to know him or her. Sometimes our instincts and intuition are in tune yet not quite in our awareness. If someone reacts inappropriately, do not engage that person. End communication immediately and don’t respond to additional attempts to communicate with you.

Take cues. Many people who strive to treat others as they would like to be treated end up making avoidable blunders. Don’t assume the person is like you and would want to be treated the way you would. Instead, pay attention and take your cues from what you have observed.

Listen and respond to whatever reaction you get. Focus on what you think the other person is feeling. Don’t overly engage with the person; keep statements simple and resist the urge to console or apologize.

5 types of Guys to Avoid at All Costs

When it comes to dating, we all know how hard it is to know who the bad seeds are (especially if your type is the bad seed), and especially if when we meet them it's in a haze of bar smoke. It's easy to think everyone is nice and worth your time, or think that everyone sucks and you're better off becoming a nun and devoting your life to Jesus. No need to purchase a rosary yet, sister, because here's a list of the easy-to-pick-out dudes who you should avoid like a pair of camouflage Crocs.

1. The Guy Who Lives With His Mother

This one is easy to justify in your head - "Well...he needs to take care of his family," or "It's super temporary and it's only because he's trying to save money." No. The second he says you can't chill at his place because it's his mom's night to watch Desperate Housewives, say "peace." Avoid if you can. There's nothing like always having the guy in your apartment, or having to endure the walk of shame past his parents in their bathrobes. It also implies a few insecurities about growing up and being self-sufficient, something that is imperative to a relationship. Moving along...

2. The Guy Who Wears a Bluetooth...All The Time

Even if he works for Verizon, there's no excuse why he can't talk on the phone like a normal human being. Plus...if he's constantly plugged into something (something that makes him look like Madonna circa 1985, or a McDonald's drive-thru worker), that means he will never completely be paying attention you...you're just filler until his next important call comes through. That is...if he ever actually gets important calls, and it's not just a cover. A Bluetooth is like the man version of the scrunchie.

3. The Guy Who Knows His Marc Jacobs Better Than You

There is nothing wrong with a well-dressed man, in fact, we appreciate them in all forms. However...be careful when you meet a man who mentions how current your Miu Miu heels are, or that your bag would be better paired with some Chloe boots he saw last week. Mr. I Know My Prada could either be gay, or higher maintenance than you. It's one thing if he's Jay-Z and will take you shopping, another if he's going to be judging the Snuggie you keep in your apartment. If you suspect he may like boys...send him over to Bluetooth guy.

4. The Club Promoter

It might be nice to be able to jump the line at Marquee or have free bottle service at 1Oak (we've all done it), but never date a club promoter. It's nice to have one in your back pocket to impress your high school friends when they come to town, but they're notoriously slutty and are more trouble than you're ready for. Not only will they ditch you the minute Lily Donaldson wants to talk to them, but if things go south you can never go back to...kind of any club again.

5. The Two Polo Shirt Guy

Not so much a city thing, but this is definitely a shout-out to college campuses nation-wide. If you can spot their spray tan from across a frat house, you can bet they're sporting two popped-collar polos as well. Maybe you're going through a jock phase, which is fine. Just stick to the shy floppy-haired soccer players rather than the guy who's playing beer pong with Muscle Milk. I shouldn't have to explain why...you're just better than that.

Maybe it’s time to cut him loose

Looking back, Tomi Tuel is appalled at how she behaved with the guy she calls Yacht Man. “I was 33 and coming out of a divorce with two small children,” says Tuel, who is the author of 101 Things I Learned After My Divorce. “This guy was wealthy and good‑looking, and he was interested in me — at first. But soon, it seemed like I was calling him a lot more than he was calling me.

I would leave silly notes on his door telling him to meet me at the clock tower at 8 — stuff like that — and he’d never show. I’d go to places where I knew he hung out, hoping to run into him. I figured that if he really wasn’t into me, he would be up front and honest about it.”

Yeah, like that would ever happen. We all have a hard time telling someone we’re not interested in him or her. Guys, especially, tend to avoid the direct approach, which means that, unfortunately, you have to be on red‑flag alert.

Of course, the real issue is not that you don’t see the signs — it’s that you don’t want to see the signs and consequently make all kinds of excuses for the guy’s behaviour. For example, if he hasn’t called in days, you try to convince yourself there’s a good reason: “Well, maybe he lost my number. Or his phone is broken. Or he lost his cell phone and that’s where my number is. Or maybe he’s really busy at work, or he’s been in an accident, or he has laryngitis.

Barbara Davilman knows all about this kind of self‑foolery. Davilman, who is coeditor of What Was I Thinking? 58 Bad Boyfriend Stories, became an expert at rationalizing her ex’s bad behaviour. “When I was 27, I stayed with a guy for five years even though he would see me only twice a week — specifically, on Wednesday and Sunday nights,” she says. “Plus, he didn’t have his own phone, so I had to wait for him to call me when he could.”

According to Tina Tessina, Ph.D., author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again, women often have a very hard time ending relationships, even if deep down they know they’re unhealthy. “They fear change, they fear being single or they think they won’t find anyone better,” says Tessina. “So, instead, a woman will remind herself of a guy’s good qualities and block out the bad.”

Or, you think that it’s just a matter of winning the guy over – and that once that’s done, he’ll be more attentive. This is what Lisa Mann, 45, was banking on with a man she dated when she was 38. “There were warning signs from the beginning, but I figured the transformative power of love – my love – was great,” she says. “We had a lot of sex, which I assumed would tone down into a mellow sort of lovemaking as our bond grew – but in fact, he started wanting to see me less and less, and when we did see each other, it was mostly for sex.”

And that partially answers the question of why a guy who’s not that into you would stick around at all. “It’s a no‑commitment way for a guy to get laid,” Tessina says. It’s hard to face the truth and get back out there, but if you stop settling for wishy‑washy men and hold your ground, you will find the right relationship eventually. (Davilman and Tuel are both married now; Mann is currently single but enlightened.)

Since it bears repeating, let’s review a few of the traits that will tell you unequivocally that a guy is into you: His actions match his words. He doesn’t just say he loves you or wants to be with you because he thinks that’s what you want to hear; it’s obvious by the way he behaves.

He introduces you to his friends and family within a reasonable amount of time. This indicates that he’s increasingly serious about making you part of his life. His behaviour is consistent. He isn’t into you one week and then distant the next. His affection for you is something you can rely on.

He tries to please you. Because he’s genuinely interested in you as well as your thoughts and feelings, he acts on that. He knows you love the color yellow, for example, so he shows up with a bouquet of yellow flowers.

You don’t feel like you’re doing all the work, and you never find yourself making excuses for him. As psychologist Geraldine Merola Barton puts it, “The truth is, we always find time for the things we value. If he’s into you, he’ll call, no matter what.”

Tips for female travellers

By Sarah Schlichter
 
Travel sites can offer great trips for women, but stay safe with these tips...
Would your husband rather sit at home watching football than go globetrotting with you? Are you single or divorced and looking to travel with a group of adventurous, like‑minded women? Or are you looking for a girls‑only getaway with your daughter or best gal pal?

Women travel together for these and many other reasons — which is why a growing number of tour operators and travel clubs have formed to cater to intrepid female travelers. These companies have fun, audacious names like Gutsy Women Travel and Wild Women Travel, and they offer a plethora of women‑centric trips from hiking excursions in the Rockies to gourmet tours of Tuscany.

Whether you want to take an organized tour or would rather plan your own independent gals' getaway, there's a wealth of resources out there for women travelers. Below are our best safety tips for women traveling on their own, as well as a list of the top female‑centric travel sites and vacation providers.

General tips

Most tips for women travelers, and indeed all travelers, come down to one thing: common sense. It's the kind of stuff your parents told you growing up — don't walk in strange neighborhoods after dark, lock your doors, don't leave your valuables lying around, be alert.

An intrinsic part of traveling is paying attention and adapting to the cultural milieu in which you travel, which means an awareness of gender roles and expectations. Learn everything you can about the values and customs of a country, and be aware of how you should tailor your behavior to fit into that culture.

Don't do anything you can't imagine a local woman doing (or yourself doing at home) — like following strangers to out‑of‑the‑way places or accepting lodging or rides from men you don't know. It's also not a good idea to wear flashy jewelry or show a lot of money in public places.

But more than that, be aware of local attitudes toward women in the country in which you are traveling. Do women tend to wear concealing clothes in that country? If so, don't draw attention to yourself with short shorts, plunging necklines or tight tank tops. Many women travel experts recommend wearing long, loose‑fitting clothes when traveling internationally, which also offers the added benefit of concealing money belts.

In some cultures, a woman traveling alone is considered to be available. If you want to ward off unwanted advances from foreign men, try wearing a (fake) wedding ring. Avoid eye contact with unknown men, as this may be construed as an invitation.

Know the equivalent of "911" in whatever country you're visiting, and make sure you have a functioning cell phone with you at all times.

Leave a copy of your itinerary with a friend or family member back home and be sure to check in regularly by phone or e‑mail. It's also a good idea to register your presence with your home country's embassy when you're traveling internationally. (For more information, see Travel Warnings and Advisories.) Finally, when you leave your hotel, let the front desk know when you should be expected back.

Walk confidently, as though you know exactly where you're going (even if you don't!). Don't stop in the middle of the sidewalk to look at a map or rifle through your purse; distracted travelers are easy prey for thieves.

Conceal some cash in your shoe, sock or bra — enough to pay for a cab ride if you find yourself in a dangerous spot.

If you are attacked, use caution when reporting the crime. In certain countries, police may not be very sympathetic to female victims. Your hotel or embassy can advise you of the best course of action.

Trust your instincts. If you feel uneasy or uncomfortable in a certain situation, move on.

Hotel security tips

Choose the right accommodations. Hotels that require room access through a lobby area are infinitely more secure than motels with access from the outside. We also recommend choosing a B&B or inn rather than a large hotel with a cavernous lobby and hundreds of rooms.

Loitering strangers are much more conspicuous in smaller lobbies, and many women feel safer and less anonymous at a property where the front desk staff recognizes their face and is aware of who's coming and going.

Before booking a hotel, research the neighborhood. How safe is it? Are there nearby businesses that will be open and busy after dark? It's worth paying a little extra for a hotel in a more secure neighborhood.

Avoid first‑floor rooms — break‑ins are less likely on the upper levels of a hotel. Ask for a room near the elevators.

When checking in, ask the desk clerk to write your room number on a piece of paper rather than announce it. If he or she announces it in a crowded lobby, ask for a different room.

When you enter an elevator, position yourself next to the button panel and make a mental note of where the "alarm" or "bell" button is so that you can push it if needed.

If your hotel room comes with a sliding glass door and balcony, always check to be sure the door is locked. Your balcony may be connected to the one next door, granting easy access to your room. You'll want to make sure your windows are locked as well. Check each time you re‑enter the room — housekeeping may have unlocked them for one reason or another. Familiarize yourself with the way the locks on the doors and windows work so you can release them quickly in case of an emergency. If any of your locks don't work, ask for a new room.

Don't open your door for anyone, including "housekeeping" or "room service," without verifying the identity of the person at your door. If you haven't called for room service, call the hotel's restaurant. Do not open the door.

Sleep with comfortable shoes and your room key on your nightstand. A small flashlight is a good item to have nearby as well.

Don't give your room number to strangers, no matter how friendly. It's also wise to let men think that you're traveling with a companion who is sharing the room with you.

Unattended hotel fitness centers or pools are best avoided, especially if there aren't many other guests there.

If you take a cab back to your hotel after a late‑night dinner or meeting, don't be afraid to ask the driver to wait until you are inside the hotel before he pulls away. Add an extra $1 to $2 to the tip and he'll do so with a smile.

If you are trying to park in the hotel lot late at night and someone is lurking around the lot, park in front of the door in the check‑in area and go to the front desk. Ask the clerk to have someone from hotel security meet you in the lot and escort you into the hotel.

Women who feel foolish about asking for extra security are women who endanger themselves. Use your gut instinct. If you feel uncomfortable, scared or threatened, there's probably something wrong. Hotel security is there for a reason. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Driving tips

Remember to keep your car doors locked at all times. If you have a breakdown, use your cell phone to call the police and then wait in your car with the doors locked. If you are approached by someone other than the police, stay in the car and crack your window open.

Park in well‑lit areas. Do not keep anything in your car that will be an invitation for theft. Lock belongings in your trunk and take valuables into your hotel room with you. Avoid renting a hatchback car — everything in your trunk will be visible to would‑be thieves.

Ask for an up‑to‑date map when you arrive in a city or rent a car. If you need to ask for directions, ask families or women with children. Say: "Where is X? I'm meeting my husband there."

Tour operators

There are tour operators and travel clubs that cater primarily, and often exclusively, to women travellers.

AdventureWomen: Active trips for women in the U.S. and around the world

Call of the Wild: Hiking, backpacking and other adventure trips for women in the U.S. and select international destinations

Gutsy Women Travel: Women‑only tours catering to a variety of interests including history/culture, homes/gardens and gourmet dining/wines

Olivia: Cruises, ecotours, resort stays and luxury vacations for lesbian travellers

Sights and Soul Travels: Small‑group, women‑only tours of Europe, North America and South America

SWT Tours: Special‑interest trips including a selection of European and American tours for women age 50 and up

Wild Women Travel: Cruises, tours and custom vacation packages for women

Women's Travel Club: Women‑only trips around the world; annual club membership is required

Women Traveling Together: Worldwide tours for women; paid members get tour discounts and a quarterly newsletter.

Travellers go back to basics

By Helga Trim

The recession, it seems, does not spell death to travel. Although, world without end hotels designed to indulge every tourist fantasy have been put on ice for now. Instead, holidaymakers are going back to basics for authentic travel experiences. Hotels have seen a drop in bookings; holiday home rentals are on the rise.

A recent survey of over 900 responsibletravel.com tour operators and accommodations revealed that more holidaymakers are choosing to travel responsibility since the recession began. More than half (53 percent) of those surveyed reported an increase in business since the recession started. Ninety‑four percent of respondents believe the trend in responsible tourism is here to stay because people are searching for authentic, local travel experiences. They think this popularity will continue to grow even after the global recession ends.

Justin Francis, managing director of responsibletravel.com said, "I am staggered but delighted by the positive growth our suppliers are seeing at this difficult economic time. For some time we have seen the beginnings of a changing mindset amongst consumers and the recession has sped this up where travel is concerned.”

The recession has become a reality check for many people. No longer able to access large sums of disposable income or even want to while global economies take a nosedive with no certainty as to when they will resurface, holidaymakers are choosing holidays that save money and reduce their carbon footprint.

In fact today’s holidaymakers remind me of the days when families and friends would rent a house in Mayaro or Barbados for the holidays. The children enjoyed helping the fishermen pull seine on the beach even though the fishermen were just indulging them. But as a child, all that mattered was pulling seine with fishermen, which was a 180 from life in suburbia. Not many people used to venture further afield unless they had family abroad. Hotel stays weren’t common back then.

The islands weren’t peppered with restaurants so home cooking was the order of the day in the holiday rental on the beach. There was the occasional dinner at a fancy hotel restaurant with linen napkins that never catered for children. Kids’ meals had not been invented yet. But life was simple and children were happy just to be away with friends.

My old classmates and I still occasionally reminisce about those days. And now they’re back with some upgrades like kids’ meals and all modern amenities. The recession has demonstrated that people still need and want to take holidays but they must get value for money. Francis says, “Responsible tourism offers great value local and authentic travel experiences – in fact it is often a cheaper holiday option."

Forty‑one percent of the survey’s respondents predicted they would turn to “staycations” closer to home rather than head to Europe this year. However, Dubai received an overwhelming thumbs down from 80 percent of respondents who believe the country will lose out in the recession. Forty percent cited Dubai’s "lack of authentic, distinctive travel experiences" as the main reason for its demise, while 38 percent saw it as an "environmental disaster".

There is a definite shift in holiday travel and responsibletravel.com is not the only company to realise this. Explore, a UK based adventure tour operator, recently launched a range of “Back to Basics” tours which focus on value and authenticity. Two words that seem to count the most now that holidaymakers have to account for every dollar spent.

Explore describes the tours as “no frills adventure for the real traveller” and states on its website, “we travel and mix with local people every day seeking out the most authentic local places to get right under the skin of each destination.”

Maybe the recession is a blessing in disguise and when it is all over we will place more value on people and on the environment. The lesson to be learned could be that we are all responsible for each other and the planet on which we live or it could be back to basics is fun and more affordable. Happy travels.

Why it's good to be dumped

When most people hear the dreaded words, 'it's not you, it's me', or, 'we need to talk', their stomach drops through the floor and dark thoughts about their inevitable future as an eccentric old woman with hundreds of cats instantly flash through their mind. But, although nobody's saying that it's much fun to be dumped – and yes, we're all allowed a period of watching Bridget Jones on repeat while eating our own body weight in ice cream – there's no law that says your whole life has to fall apart at the seams, according to Alexandra Heminsley, author of Ex And The City:

You're Nobody 'Til Somebody Dumps You. In fact, Heminsley admits that she's been dumped in a restaurant, in a stairwell and in a graveyard, to name but a few choice locations, but still maintains that being given the push shouldn't be a source of shame but a badge of honour – because unless you're ready to risk it all, you'll never find love. "A break‑up is rarely one person's fault more than the other," she says. "And even if it was, can you seriously name a dumpee who has emerged anything other than happier than she was beforehand? Of course not. The unique nature of any dumpee's agony means that you will almost always resurface wiser and have more fun."

Battle tactics for the first 24 hours: "It's war – not you versus him, but you versus your hurt," advises Heminsley. "So, approach that first day like war, and you may find yourself stronger than you ever imagined you could be."

Camouflage: "Maybe you can't be bothered to put on a full face of make‑up, but you absolutely cannot give in completely," Heminsley says.

A safe place: In the battle for survival it is of paramount importance to get home and create a safe area for retreat – so turn your bedroom into a sanctuary. "Wash your sheets. This is essential, because human smell is extremely evocative – if he's been in your bed recently, you'll be able to tell," Heminsley warns.

Lines of communication: Very simply, DO. NOT. CALL. HIM. "The harsh truth is that in most cases, you're not going to get back together, and this is a good thing, so you need to just summon all of your energy and confidence and hug it towards you instead of him, because you need it and you deserve it," Heminsley says. In fact, delete his numbers and email address to avoid post‑dumping phone calls, texts or emails.

Hormones and rebounds: It's all very well telling yourself that having "modern and liberated non‑committal sex" will make you feel loads better after being dumped but, as Heminsley rightly points out, there's a slight glitch in the design of female hormones, which makes it almost inevitable that we become kind of clingy in the end. And being needy is obviously the kiss of death for any rebound flings or post‑dumped break‑up sex.

“Oxytoxin is the Wizard of Oz of our bodies – it is responsible for dispensing the good stuff, the emotions and reactions that most of us enjoy experiencing most," explains Heminsley. "But like the good wizard himself, it also has elements that are a little bit unreliable." Indeed, when both men and women have sex, a certain type of oxytoxin is released along with dopamine and endorphins, which makes sex with "that particular person" rewarding. But here's the, erm, rub. "It's absolutely, and quite literally, maddening, because in your body, oestrogen, the female hormone, prolongs and intensifies the effects of oxytoxin and the way it bonds with other hormones. "Meanwhile, only inches away, testosterone, the male hormone, decreases these effects significantly in your man, meaning that a woman will tend to feel more bonded to a man after sex than a man will to her." Of course, this is not to say that men don't or can't feel bonded to women, but it definitely doesn't become such an addictive urge at such a precarious time for them. Girls, you have been warned!

Dumping with decency:

It's very likely that there will be times when you find yourself on the other end of the messy business of dumping, so Heminsley recommends the following tips to ensure that you treat your soon‑to‑be ex as you'd like to be treated yourself.

DON'T AVOID IT FOR TOO LONG
"Give it a couple of weeks to be sure of your decision, but anything over a month is too long and you enter the risky territory of Potentially Blurting It Out At Any Minute."

DON'T LIE OR PATRONISE THEM
"What you say as your excuse will be spun in your dumpee's mind over many days and nights to come ‑ there can be no defending planting the seed of anxiety that needn't be there at all," Heminsley warns. For example, don't say he's too clingy if you've simply got your eye on someone else. Likewise, don't try to be too nice ‑ dumping someone is never a pleasant business so don't expect a pat on the back and a lollipop for good behaviour.

DO IT IN PERSON
Texts, emails, letters, cakes with messages iced on to them, personalised blimps and Post‑its are not allowed!

DON'T SAY IT WAS DOWN TO BAD SEX
"Just because his skills no longer get you frisky it doesn't mean they won't work for his next lady, so don't let him think his way is the wrong way ‑ unless of course he indulged in anything illegal, unhygienic or accompanied by the sounds of Kenny G ‑ in which case, consider it your civic duty," Heminsley laughs.

THE LAST WORD
"It turns out that you do need to know what pain feels like in order to feel happy at other times," says Heminsley. "After all, if you don't feel any anguish at the inexplicable refusal of a hot guy to give you that fifth date, then how are you expected to feel the inexplicable delirium next time, when you realise that someone fabulous has fallen in love with you?

"You can't stop yourself from getting dumped ‑ all you can do is stop yourself from living your life in the shadow of the fear of getting dumped."

Guy’s view: 9 Signs Your Guy Is Cheating

By Rich Santos

When you get suspicious that your significant other is cheating, be careful not to appear to be paranoid. You have to walk a fine line ‑ you don't want to make false accusations. So, while I'm sharing this list of cheating red flags, I concede that it's a tricky situation. It's hard to be sure if someone's cheating, but protect yourself: Be vigilant, and pay attention to your mind and spirit within the relationship. But, at the same time, be careful not to let anxiety lead the way because unnecessary paranoia will just drive your lover away. Here are some red flags that may signal that your significant other is cheating:

1. Less Sex
Unless he's Superman, he can only have so much sex. So, if he's getting it from another source, you might notice. Whether it's another woman or a porn addiction ‑ even if he's not cheating ‑ a decrease in sex signals serious issues in the relationship.

2. Jumpy Cell Phone Habits
In a perfect world, we'd be open about sharing our correspondence with our significant others. Most of the time, we trust that we don't have to worry about who is texting or calling them. But, if you notice that he is getting protective and/or nervous when he gets calls or texts, it may be cause for alarm.

3. Gushing or Talking About Someone Suddenly
You know that exhilarating feeling you get when you meet someone new and exciting? You want to tell the world about him. One of my exes began talking about a guy a lot near the end of our relationship ‑ he just always seemed to be at her social gatherings that I didn't happen to attend. Sure enough, after she dumped me, she began dating him.

4. Disconnecting
Even though relationships ebb and flow naturally, if you're sensing that he's drawing away from you, then there may be someone else. Emotional disconnection should be investigated regardless of whether it's caused by cheating. There's a problem if he's not laughing or seeming as passionate as usual. It's hard to spread love/passion between two people, so the person who used to have it will feel it slipping away if it's being given to someone else.

5. He's Pulling "Houdinis"
If he's disappearing, traveling, or unavailable to the point where you are starting to wonder, then he could be cheating. Also, these times tend to take on a pattern because it's tough to synch up schedules, especially in secret.

6. His Friends Are Acting Strange
His friends will certainly remain loyal to him in most cases. They will not let you know what's going on, but they will definitely be racked with guilt, and their behaviour may change slightly when they are around you while protecting his secret.

7. He's Being Caught in Lies About Other Things
If you catch him in a lie, your trust will naturally be damaged. Don't hold a grudge ‑ forgiveness is a good thing. You can forgive, but don't forget. If he consistently breaches your trust, it's establishing a pattern of behaviour that leads to cheating. Do yourself a favour: If he keeps lying, whether these lies are big or small, get out while you can and don't let him talk his way back in.

8. Been There, Done That
I always say: "Once a cheater, always a cheater." If he's done it before, he's definitely capable of doing it again. It has nothing to do with you, which is why you can't say that he cheated on his previous lover because she didn't keep him happy. Cheating is a self‑serving act in which the cheater doesn't take his significant other into consideration. If someone is upfront with you that he's made mistakes in the past, maybe give them a chance ‑ but make it a long probationary period before you let your guard down.

9. Your Gut Tells You So
Don't ignore your sixth sense. People are gifted at sensing when something doesn't feel right. Whether there are red flags in your relationship that are clueing you in or not, if something feels off, don't ignore this feeling. Usually that suspicion is correct, and something intangible may have led to you figuring it all out.

12 most annoying types of Facebookers

Facebook, for better or worse, is like being at a big party with all your friends, family, acquaintances and co-workers.

There are lots of fun, interesting people you’re happy to talk to when they stroll up. Then there are the other people, the ones who make you cringe when you see them coming. This article is about those people.

Sure, Facebook can be a great tool for keeping up with folks who are important to you. Take the status update, the 160-character message that users post in response to the question, “What’s on your mind?” An artful, witty or newsy status update is a pleasure — a real-time, tiny window into a friend’s life.

But far more posts read like navel-gazing diary entries, or worse, spam. A recent study categorised 40 percent of Twitter tweets as “pointless babble,” and it wouldn’t be surprising if updates on Facebook, still a fast-growing social network, break down in a similar way.

Combine dull status updates with shameless self-promoters, “friend-padders” and that friend of a friend who sends you quizzes every day, and Facebook becomes a daily reminder of why some people can get on your nerves.

Here are 12 of the most annoying types of Facebook users:

The Let-Me-Tell-You-Every-Detail-of-My-Day Bore. “I’m waking up.” “I had Wheaties for breakfast.” “I’m bored at work.” “I’m stuck in traffic.” You’re kidding! How fascinating! No moment is too mundane for some people to broadcast unsolicited to the world. Just because you have 432 Facebook friends doesn’t mean we all want to know when you’re waiting for the bus.

The Self-Promoter. OK, so we’ve probably all posted at least once about some achievement. And sure, maybe your friends really do want to read the fascinating article you wrote about beet farming. But when almost EVERY update is a link to your blog, your poetry reading, your 10k results or your art show, you sound like a bragger or a self-centered careerist.

The Friend-Padder. The average Facebook user has 120 friends on the site. Schmoozers and social butterflies — you know, the ones who make lifelong pals on the subway — might reasonably have 300 or 400. But 1,000 “friends?” Unless you’re George Clooney or just won the lottery, no one has that many. That’s just showing off.

The Town Crier. “Michael Jackson is dead!!!” You heard it from me first! Me, and the 213,000 other people who all saw it on TMZ. These Matt Drudge wannabes are the reason many of us learn of breaking news not from TV or news sites but from online social networks. In their rush to trumpet the news, these people also spread rumours, half-truths and innuendo. No, Jeff Goldblum did not plunge to his death from a New Zealand cliff.

The TMIer. “Brad is heading to Walgreens to buy something for these pesky haemorrhoids.” Boundaries of privacy and decorum don’t seem to exist for these too-much-information updaters, who unabashedly offer up details about their sex lives, marital troubles and bodily functions. Thanks for sharing.

The Bad Grammarian. “So sad about Fara Fauset but Im so gladd its friday yippe”. Yes, I know the punctuation rules are different in the digital world. And, no, no one likes a spelling-Nazi schoolmarm. But you sound like a moron.

The Sympathy-Baiter. “Barbara is feeling sad today.” “Man, am I glad that’s over.” “Jim could really use some good news about now.” Like anglers hunting for fish, these sad sacks cast out their hooks — baited with vague tales of woe — in the hopes of landing concerned responses. Genuine bad news is one thing, but these manipulative posts are just pleas for attention.

The Lurker. The Peeping Toms of Facebook, these voyeurs are too cautious, or maybe too lazy, to update their status or write on your wall. But once in a while, you’ll be talking to them and they’ll mention something you posted, so you know they’re on your page, hiding in the shadows. It’s just a little creepy.

The Crank. These curmudgeons, like the trolls who spew hate in blog comments, never met something they couldn’t complain about. “Carl isn’t really that impressed with idiots who don’t realise how idiotic they are.” (Actual status update.) Keep spreading the love.

The Paparazzo. Ever visit your Facebook page and discover that someone’s posted a photo of you from last weekend’s party — a photo you didn’t authorise and haven’t even seen? You’d really rather not have to explain to your mom why you were leering like a drunken hyena and French-kissing a bottle of Jagermeister.

The Maddening Obscurist. “If not now then when?” “You’ll see...” “Grist for the mill.” “John is, small world.” “Dave thought he was immune, but no. No, he is not.” [Actual status updates, all.] Sorry, but you’re not being mysterious — just nonsensical.

The Chronic Inviter. “Support my cause. Sign my petition. Play Mafia Wars with me. Which Star Trek character are you? Here are the ‘Top 5 cars I have personally owned.’ Here are ‘25 Things About Me.’ Here’s a drink. What drink are you? We’re related! I took the ‘What President Are You?’ quiz and found out I’m Millard Fillmore! What president are you?” You probably mean well, but stop. Just stop. I don’t care what president I am — can’t we simply be friends? Now excuse me while I go post the link to this story on my Facebook page. (CNN)